Missing my Daddy

I have gone thru many emotions since your passing June 2, 2017. I’ve been very upset and angry yet I’ve had moments where I’ve been super quiet and spaced out. I’m trying to take each day, one day at a time.

Shock & Denial:
Because you were sick and we spoke daily, I think I was prepared for your transition. I still can’t believe you’re gone.


Bargaining:
There’s no bargaining I’m experiencing. I know I couldn’t have prevented your passing but I’m so thankful that I was able to see you before you transitioned.

Depression:
Okay, we’ve finally found a stage that I AM going thru.

Angry:
HECK YEAH … but not at you, daddy. At the way some people acted, reacted and the words that came out of their mouths.

Acceptance:
Only because of our daily and in depth conversations and what I was to do, I feel as though I’ve been able to accept your transition.

 

As I drive to my clients Dallas office in the early morning hours, I find myself wanting to touch the widget on my cellphone and call you. Then I stop myself; remembering that you can no longer answer.

God has called you home with Him!

Now I am sad because I don’t know who else to call so early and talk to.

I’ve already talked to my mom and hubby is getting his last hour of sleep. Whatever I want to talk about is not that major that I need to bother my brother. You are/were THAT person – what do I do now? You’re gone.

I heard the silence fill your hospice room. I have visions of your last hours embedded in my brain. I saw you take your last breath. Now all I have are memories and pictures. I’ll never hear your voice again and I have no voice recordings of you either.

What am I supposed to do? I miss my daddy.  

 #MissYou ❤  #BobbysDaughter 😉  #NewYorkBorn🗽  #iLoveBeingMe

#BobbysDaughter.DaphneAnderson

*originally written August 4, 2017

5 comments

  1. OMGOODNESS- I read this ,I lost my father in law June 10 of this year.. I so can so relate. Our father in law passed away quietly a few hours after our son graduated form high school. All week he told our son – no matter what happens to me you promise to graduate. When our son went to the hospital to share with grandpa his diploma and acceptance letter of college., only few hours later- he was called home. We will always believe grandpa waited til he graduated.
    He had cancer of the appendix. He lived every moment up to the last days as much as he could. I believe grieving while he was still alive is especially hard on us, I don’t pretend to know what it was like for him., yet it feels like it prepares you for the long days & night ahead, The holidays have been so hard.
    We have looked through life through a different windshield these days How to take the tools he gave us and with Gods guidance we have a new outlook on life and the importance .
    So many tend to be angry at God, I tell them be mad at cancer. . Its okay to hurt, be angry. We all have . I have made up my mind to not allow it to consume me and want to make a difference. So we have done just that. We help and volunteer ,give back to the cancer society for all they did for him and for our family
    . YES we are all still grieving and miss him every day. Knowing my father in law isn’t suffering any longer is bigger then my selfishness and wanting him here. suffering .. I guess that is what I have been able to do in there last few montha. NO it isn’t easy . What has been comforting our our kiddos- they recorded conversations with grandpa and are finding themselves doing what grandpa asked of them.
    Our daughter got married 6 weeks after he passed away. I feel that was a healing process to us (something to look forward to and bring us all happiness) Grandpa was a part of the process til the last days. he even picked her dress out months before & had their picture taken together and will cherish .he wanted to listen to the song she would walk down the isle, he wanted to know every detail along the way knowing he would not be there . But that day was so beautiful and a red bird was there in our outside wedding all day with us! I am certain he is with you and looking over you as well. You will be fine my dear .I am sending you a hug!! Take care of yourself.

    Like

    • Thank you for the hug, I receive it and return one to you. I’m glad that your son graduated high school as planned – his grandpa knew what was coming and that was probably a huge relief for him to continue on.

      Yes, this process can be very taxing but I have to remember that he is no longer in any pain, no longer suffering and still apart of me and my family/children and our daily lives.

      The healing process takes time and as I’ve noticed, some days are better than others. Then there are days that hit like a pile of bricks. We will get thru it. Take care of yourself as well.
      -Daphne

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you-Healing process does take time.. Many days Its like wearing a heavy coat.Every where we turn there is a constant reminder. days it hurts & others I sa y”thank you” Losing him is still so raw, ,knowing that others are goin through this as well ,helps more then people realize. .I appreciate that and felt the hug my dear! Take care sweetie!

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